Ru is 8 years old…! – April 23, 2020 –

In extraordinary times, a new kind of feeling arises (chillingly special, frightening, blood-curdling, shocking, demanding trust, calling for courage, helpless)… My son is growing up. But not as he used to, step by step, always learning a little more about the world, rather suddenly leaping over chasms, wild, with open arms, unstoppable. Absolutely irreversible. He no longer just learns about the world; he appreciates it, forms opinions through his own perspective, weighs things up, makes decisions—and when I look into it, I am enchanted; this world of his is so beautiful…! And I already feel myself starting to fall out of it; it’s no longer our shared world, but his own is taking shape, which I can only protect from the outside.

Dear Ru,

what a blessing it is to me that our shared world, which is now beginning to split in two—as it should—is still not two completely separate lives. Because when we snuggle together in the hammock, go play tennis, foosball, crunch on Cheetos while walking home, or do whatever else we feel like, we look into each other’s worlds: we walk through a door that connects them, and we move comfortably within each other’s space. And it feels infinitely good that we naturally feel at home there. Because everything is familiar, the foundations are shared, and there are no forbidden corners we have to hide, no rooms whose doors we don’t have keys to from each other. I thank you so much for always letting me into your wonderful world, for the pictures you have painted there inside yourself, and for sharing them with me. And I sincerely thank you for being curious about my world too. That you feel good in it and come often. And that you never close that door behind you…

May you live long…! ♥

Dated: May 24, 2020