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Someone put on your dress. Walked into my life wearing it and pretended to be you. They smiled at me, encouraged me, protected me, sometimes hurt me—but I believed it was you. So I thought, “Well, this is just how it goes sometimes,” and I spent a lot of time wondering why I’m not always good enough. And then summers came, candlelit holidays, new summers, birthdays, tears, Christmases, emptiness—and I kept thinking and thinking. But eventually, it stopped feeling good because I started to not love myself, and then it occurred to me that you surely wouldn’t want me to feel this way. Something wasn’t right. But it wasn’t the…

So here I am, sitting in my little nook overlooking the backyard (exceptionally without a book in my lap), giving myself a few minutes to reflect on how I ended up here. And the story is mind-blowing. Maybe this isn’t the place to detail it all, but I know it took everything I’ve always wanted to believe I am: willpower—the stubborn, constant, persistent, and unwavering will that focuses on those opportunities in the world essential to my goals. It took the family who, despite this decision placing me geographically farther away (but closer to others), have been my steadfast support in building every (perhaps strange to them) desire of mine.…

Oh my, being here again feels like I just took the last blank page yesterday to write down what’s happening inside me. Since then, over a thousand and one events have unfolded that deserved to be put on paper, but what’s happening now definitely deserves its place here 🙂 Life and my decisions have brought me to a moment ripe for a major overhaul. One so big that it calls for a new job, a new city, new people—and when I reflect on this resolve, it becomes clear that I couldn’t take a bigger step toward a more livable future. A future rich with possibilities, fresh and buildable. Ru certainly…

You know how it is with Vác and me… somehow we never manage to stay apart for long, and no matter how much life strains my plans, we always find our way back to each other. Sometimes it means a peaceful island of calm for me, sometimes I’m amazed by its uniqueness, sometimes I wander its streets with excitement, and sometimes it’s just a girly chat that draws me here. I’ve arranged meetings here with friends living abroad and introduced them to spicy fish with sweet potatoes on the promenade. I’ve visited temporary exhibitions, listened to concerts, and sat through countless theater performances. I’ve stared at the water for hours…

When you feel change within yourself, you also crave something new around you. On Friday, I was eagerly awaiting the end of May, hoping that summer would bring something new I’ve been longing for a while. Without any complaints, I can say that the past year has taken its toll on everyone, and there isn’t a single person in my work environment who hasn’t been affected by recent events. Personally, I was deeply yearning for new steps in my private life, because work is hard to leave at the doorstep, and it has undeniably left its mark on my life. Although I’m still uncertain about the future (how long has…

When I had finally had enough of the constant gunfire sounds coming from the Xbox over the Pentecost long weekend, I lured the kiddo into the kitchen for a breakfast baking session. Unfortunately, due to my lack of time and his lack of interest, we only manage to bake together on weekends, but when it finally happens, it’s just as good as when he was little. Maybe it’s a bit easier now since handling every appliance no longer comes with window cleaning, bowls dropped on the floor with squealing laughter, and mom getting covered in flour with bubbling giggles. Every change brings something good, but the joy of messing around…

When you have to create your living space within 56 square meters, you’re forced to make use of every nook to turn everyday life into something livable and to truly make a home out of an apartment. And if a balcony complements this nest, only laziness can limit its cozy use… My balcony spent two summers neglected (last year’s neglect excused by the virus and work overload), and when Ru said he didn’t want to sit out there with me in the morning to read because the whole thing really needed tidying up, I realized he was right. In fact, it only took a day and a firm resolve to…

This anniversary doesn’t really deserve a separate post here, though perhaps that’s just my disillusionment speaking. But life, I believe, evens itself out in the long run, and sometimes I’m a bit headstrong and impulsive. I know, I know… I’ve been working on it for about 31 years. Unfortunately, not everything turns out as one hopes, and a defining decision of mine proved to be wrong, even though I believed wholeheartedly in its success—something I had to face on my birthday. Well, perhaps this year has gifted me the lesson of dignified loss, which, let’s admit, is a tough one. However, now—exactly one month later, looking back—I might say that…

This April felt eerily similar to 2020… No birthday party, no friends, no extended family. But we did need a little sunshine (thanks to the heavens for blessing my son’s birthday with one of the three sunny mornings of the month—my heartfelt gratitude, truly). We also needed a little mood boost to mark that this was indeed a special day, not just an ordinary Friday. And yes, this year too, we needed a homemade cake (oh, that’s always a big story every year :))) ). Beyond that, all we needed was the little one, me, and lots of hugs, kisses, and snuggles—something I could rightfully demand on my son’s birthday…

Well, I know this isn’t really the kind of year when I can gather the whole family for a big Easter lunch (which traditional holidays usually provide a perfect excuse for), but with a little boy by my side, it’s impossible to stay completely indifferent. Although Ru has already outgrown the little-kid Easter phase (I still haven’t fully come to terms with these changes, but I’m trying hard), a family still needs to pay attention to events that color everyday life. And well, work is work, and childhood is childhood, so no matter what, the conditions for these occasions have to be created. So for setting the mood (between two…